ENHANCE ROMANCE WITH
COMPASSIONATE COMMUNICATION (NVC)
by Sasha Lessin, Ph.D., www.schooloftantra.com
 

One of the most effective strategies I've experienced for loving communication is Compassionate Communications, CC. It's based on Rosenberg, M., 1991, Nonviolent Communication (Puddledancer, CA).

CC's four parts are
1. observe without evaluating,
2. share feelings,
3. state needs and
4. request, without demanding, what you need right now.

CC may be expressed in words, facial expressions, body language, gestures, or just understood silently, when you internally experience empathy for one another's feelings and needs.

You and your lover open each of the energy centers in your bodies--your chakras--more when you and they see and hear each other without blame or judgement, when you each state how you feel about what you observe, then express what you need, value, seek and feel, as well as the thoughts that evoke your feelings and, finally, when you listen empathetically to one another's requests for immediate response.

CC helps you and your lovers meet your needs at the first chakra, your health, safety, belonging and security center. CC builds security and safety: you learn you can count on each other to reveal your truths so you know what each of you is feeling and know these emotions will be expressed kindly. You directly observe and share your emotional reactions to one another's exercise, eating, and health practices. You each connect your needs to the emotional reactions you have to each other's health practices. As a consequence, you feel closer to each other. Closer, you're better meeting each other's belonging needs. And belonging's essential to first chakra health.

For your second chakras, sex, CC makes things clear and better immediately, as you each express your sexual needs and feel them received empathetically.

Third chakra, power, is served by the respect inherent in CC; CC incentives each of you to take your due in life and honor each other's paths.

Your hearts, Chakra Four, of course, open more fully as you give and receive CC and feel seen, felt, empathized with, and accommodated enthusiastically in your requests. CC improves Chakra

Five (Communication) contact as you express empathy and request non-punitively.

CC facilitates clarity, Chakra Six, deepening your understanding of each other as you practice intuiting each other's feelings and needs and requesting feedback on your intuitions. At the level of this chakra, which is also the vision chakra, CC focus you on clarity of perception: what you see and hear, the first step in CC.

Your Spiritual Chakras, Seven, open up as you increasingly experience your oneness with each other and all humanity through CC's simple expedient of observe, share emotion, request what you need.

Practice:
Notice (and write up) a negative emotional reaction you have to the behavior of your lover or a friend.
a.) Tell her or him what you saw or heard her or him do or say. Then

Then b.) say how you felt when you saw or heard the behavior you reacted to emotionally.

Next, c) share what ideas, hopes, fears, wants, needs or values of yours touched off your emotional response to his or her behavior.

Then d) request--without any implicit punishment for noncompliance--specific behaviors (in the present moment) of your lover or friend that would meet the need in you that his or her behavior triggered.

e) Ask your lover/friend to give you feedback on her or his reaction to steps a, b, c and d above.