The biggest lesson September 11th taught many of us is that it's time to shit or get off the pot. In our circle of friends and intimates, many decided to get married (yes monogamously) while others removed themselves from long-suffering dead-end relationships. Our Oahu friends who had traveled to Zegg last summer to study community, suddenly stopped "wanting" community, (which kept it from never happening and remaining forever in the future), and moved in together now. 

Sasha and I looked at each other and pondered about what we would contribute to humanity in the remaining days of our dance. We too, always dreamed of community and a circle of lovers of 6-12 adults, all loving each other and relating on all chakras. 

Sasha had that lifestyle for many years in his previous marriage before I came along. Two or three weekends a month, his circle of about 10 loving friends would come together and play, exercise, hike, swim and then make love in a group. They encouraged each participant to be open, and authentic, expressing their emotions when they occurred. The next morning they would share breakfast while they debriefed, and reflected on the feelings that came up for them the during the love-in and what was up for them now. 

With Sasha's divorce almost 5 years ago, that group fell apart and is now scattered in various locations around the globe. Despite all, Sash and I maintain the vision. However, dreams and reality are often two different things. Sasha and I easily find those who are attracted to us. They love us and want to make love to us, however, Maui isn't actually the cheapest place to live and may people we meet in our travels or who come to visit us are reluctant to bite the bullet, commit and stay. 

So what to do? Inspired by the saying, "If you build it, they will come", Sasha and I decided to seek the funding necessary to expand our home to make it large enough for community to happen. Despite all the odds, a mortgage loan came through. Perhaps it seems crazy to refinance an almost paid off house and begin a 30-year mortgage at our age, but we envision our future family. We see a line family with members of multiple generations and races. Since I am childless, my hope is that perhaps we can "marry" some others, create a trust, and raise some young-uns together.

There aren't many polys on Maui, so Sasha and I look elsewhere for those to date. With winter upon us, many potential beloveds once again come to Hawaii to escape the cold. We have talked to some on the phone or on the internet who want to meet us. The "dating season" for the Lessins is about to begin. While many of you may have more conventional opportunities to date if you are in a location with a larger population to select from, Sash and I must do what we must. 

This model of dating that Sasha and I find ourselves in involves having sex with more candidates than I previously thought I'd be comfortable with. As I let down my hair and allow my more liberal self to emerge, I find that I'm having fun (in a way). My child wants those I love to stay and fall in love with me. That seems to be my more "natural" self. Yet I am beginning to embrace my Inner Sexy Self and enjoy the adventure of getting to know people, daring to be vulnerable while not having my usually required guarantees and assurances that love has to look a certain way. 

Letting go feels good. Loving what is real in the moment also feels good and accepting myself and my reactions I may have after an adventure allows me to grow and expand beyond what I previously imagined. 

With the love of my Sasha, I feel safe enough to spread my wings and fly. I feel confident enough to face just about anything. I'm no longer afraid to feel all of my emotions and meet them honestly, allow their full intensity. With Sasha's love, I see that my emotions; real, authentic and intense, are valid to both of our ecologies. I at last know unconditional love and with such love, I have learned to love myself.