Our model of communication between lovers is a
feedback model. The basic idea is that honest
communication improves relationships. When you confront
your lover and take to heart what he or she says, you
help each other grow. You feel loved and make your
choices based on love. You accept, adore, cooperate and
share more. The more you share, the more you develop
judgment, competence and individuality and actively show
these to your beloved, who lovingly yet honestly shares
reactions. Use this feedback to raise your consciousness
so you perceive with greater clarity, develop your
individuality further and make better choices.
The
key to growth in this model: commit to a lover whom you
accept, a lover who lovingly challenges and who enhances
you. Challenge is critical; in the heat of intense,
authentic emotional confrontation you give each other
the feedback each of you needs to understand how you
affect each other, the feedback you need to become a
more loving person. You risk your vulnerability with the
lover you commit to--she or he could reject or accept
you and your growth. You stop seeing things only your
way and open to your mate’s opinions. You care about
her or his development.
Learn
from each other, cooperate, and make ever-more
growth-enhancing choices, based on the loving energy you
share. Embrace the cycle with your lover and raise your
sophistication as you learn from her or his experience
and feedback. Your growth simultaneously contributes to
your beloved’s growth. As you mature from her or his
feedback, you can give the greater love, acceptance,
cooperation and feedback she or he needs. Each time you
both complete a cycle--choice, commitment,
vulnerability, encouragement, synergistic learning and
use of each other's reactions--you raise your
consciousness.
Twelve
Steps to Cultivate Uplifting Communication
In
the exercises in Part II (click next), you and your beloved experience
each of the steps in the communication cycle. The
exercises in part II help you choose, see, feel and enjoy each
other, help you assert yourselves and know you can
share. You commit and risk, let love affect you both.
You celebrate your individuality, similarity and
universality. Cooperate and encourage each other to
learn and grow by just completing the sentences.
All-in-all, the exercises and the communication cycle
teach you to use each other’s views to better yourself
and mutually make more.
-
- Dr. Sasha Lessin practices psychotherapy on Maui,
with his wife, Janet Kira Lessin. They are
hypnotherapists, Grof Breathworkers and Voice Dialogue
facilitators. They counsel couples, groups and
individuals. They also lead courses in
Community-Building, Heart Tantra, and other
groups.
