COME APART IF YOU CAN’T COME TOGETHER by Janet Kira Lessin

Sexuality breaks down in many long-term relationships. Lovers build internal from their unresolved disagreements. Programming from parents, culture and past relationships shut lovers down and they apart.

Many times lovers reach “the brick wall”; and communication breaks down completely. They react defensively and harm their relationship more. Resentments grow. Partners imagine new relationships and experiences. Thoughts become deeds, sneaking affairs, secrecy and lies begin. But the cuckolded lover, like all of us, senses what her or his cheating partner tries to hide. The emotional gap between lovers with secret affairs widens till they feel distant from each other. Lovemaking goes from infrequently to never. Sometimes guilt manifests itself in impotence and other sexual dysfunctions. When lovers get to this place, they can only re-connect if they confess the truth.

Unfortunately, most of us don’t know how to communicate intimately and honestly. When we try to avoid saying something for fear of what might happen if we did, we may create it anyhow and life becomes our worst nightmare. Or worse, lies continue and we serve sentences we impose on one another.

How long will your sentence last? How much can you endure?

All-Chakra tantra, gives you an alternative to distance or cheating. Sasha and I can share anything we think. When either of us feels attracted to a third person, we tell each other. We create ways to satisfy both of our needs. There are three entities in all our decision making: Janet, Sasha and the relationship, the “we.”

For if WE aren’t working, nothing else in life seems to work. Everything else suffers: our joy, jobs, health, life. Yes, even our life. When life isn’t lived authentically from truth and honesty, the stress from the emotional repression (being ill-at-ease) creates dis-ease. Repressed resentments and anger can lead to cancer; heart-ache can lead to heart-attacks.

Many counselors try to keep two people in an unhappy relationship together at all costs. Yet sometimes parting’s better for them--even if there are children, economic considerations and a million other excuses to stay together. Everyone deserves a full-chakra life; one that satisfies their security, sensuality, power, love, talk, vision and spiritual needs.

If your any relationships lack satisfaction in any of the life areas, act now to create that satisfaction. Discover ways to relate better. Use the conflict resolution tools in self-help books. Get outside help if necessary. Go to seminars, therapy, church counselors. Your love’s worth the effort.

But ending the relationship may serve more than sentencing yourself to it till you die. If your effort doesn’t revive a relationship, you may have completed your developmental tasks together and have no new shared goals. Maybe you reached a point where the lies are too big to overcome. Perhaps resentments and hurts too deep outweigh the love. Consider releasing each other. Ending the current form of your relationship may be the highest expression of love. Give yourselves a fresh start, love again, correct wrongs you’ve done and stop punishing yourselves. You deserve a full life, an all-chakra life. You can create it!

It’s never too late to revive a relationship you treasure. Sasha and I found each other after two long-term, failed marriages for each of us. I was over 40 and he over 50 when we embarked on our life of bliss. It wasn’t easy for either of us; we worked through psychospiritual clearing processes--paring our parents’ programs, compassionate communication, embracing our inner opposites, bond sweetening, imago integration and, especially, tantra. We took an advanced seminar with Drs. Hal and Sidra Stone. And we continue to improve our relationship each day.

Relationships are an ever-evolving process to which we commit. Devoted to one another, we pledge ongoing reflection and upleveling our relation. If things get to be “over our heads,” we’ll seek help outside ourselves to gain clarity.

We now have new models of relating with open, honest, clear and authentic communication. Living an orgasmic life is not only possible for all; it’s our birthright. Therapy and counseling are today’s tools for healing relationships and personal wounds--just like medicine has been used to heal diseases and physical wounds.

Tantra reunites our souls in ancient ways, combining sexuality and spirituality. We return now to our source, forging beyond the veil of forgetfulness, moving past our skin encapsulated bodies, completing our divine union, remembering the LOVE which is all there really is.