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DELETE
DAD'S DEFECTS IN YOUR LOVELIFE
by
Sasha Lessin, Ph.D.,
Dean, School of Tantra http://www.schooloftantra.com
As part of clearing your
First Chakra, remember habits your father had that
helped or hurt you. If you fought them, you may have
made yourself into his opposite. In any case, meditate
on the questions below or have a partner read the
sentences below to you.
The questions ask you focus
on unpleasant feelings attached to your father, then
to let you appreciate that he did the best he could,
given how he was conditioned.
Empower the rites below that
let you customize and debug the elements of your
father's program in you.
Assume that, to the degree
Dad didn't fully love, satisfy and support Mom and you
kids, he embittered her, chilled her heart; made her
cold, phony or critical.
Did Dad deem you a
blessing, accident or burden?
Did he want you male or
female? Want you to do what he didn't?
Did he make you meet his
standards? Compete with you?
If you're female, did he
ignore you, teach you males counted more?
Did he model men as cold,
distant or babyish?
Did you and Dad hug, play,
talk, listen and love as you wanted?
Did he heed only his, Mom's
or the other kids' needs and ignore yours?
Did he parent or just pay
for and police you. Or leave you to Mom?
Did he avoid, fear, bully,
put down, or humor Mom? Did he grovel? The way he
treated her showed you how to act with women. Did he
openly hug, kiss, and compliment her?
How he treated you and the
other kids started your attitudes toward authority.
Did he dictate, stifle
spontaneity?
Did he hit, confine or
abuse you, Mom, your brothers or sisters?
Did he, with love, help you
learn right from wrong?
Did he always decide what
you'd do together? Or always let you have your way? Or
combine guidance and flexibility?
Did he cheer and enjoy you
and your siblings or judge, mock or just tolerate you.
Did he emphasize grades too
much? Did he care?
Did he see you only when
you misbehaved? Did he make you compete with the other
kids? Favor you or them? Was he fair?
Good provider? Or did he
make you beg for money? Did he discuss family finances
so you mastered money?
Did Dad demand Mom love
only him, while he had other women? Was he happy
married to Mom?
How did he view sex? How
did he react to your puberty and interest in sex?
What
did he teach you to expect in relations?
Did he
overwork? Work poorly? Balance work and play?
Did he
laugh lots?
Did he leave or die early,
making you deal with a stepdad or Mom's lovers who
modeled negative traits for you to adopt or rebel
against?
Write an essay or give a
rap entitled Hurts, Upsets, Disappointments with Dad:
Defects in The Relating Program He Modeled.
Release your anger toward
him.
Tell him your withholds.
Relate your longing and
unmet needs.
Tell him how you got his
bad traits, adopted inner voices modeled on him.
Pretend you and Dad, both
13 years-old, talk. First, enact Dad as a 13-year-old
and say how your folks raised. Say how they
conditioned you to treat me as you did.
Compare your 13-year-old
lives.
Play Dad and tell your
child the trouble you had raising him or her.
Be you again. Tell Dad what
you appreciate.
Tell him what you forgive
him for.
See him buried and feel
warmth for him. Tell him you love him.
Which traits, habits,
attitudes and subselves Dad demonstrated do you gladly
adopt as yours too?
Relive scenes with him you
enjoyed.
Compare your father’s and
your thirteen-year-old existences and the pressures
that molded him and you.
Talk with him in person.
Alternately, phone or write him and communicate kindly
about your relationship with him. If he died, speak to
his spirit.
How will you apply what you
learned doing the father exercises above, to YOUR
PRESENT RELATIONSHIPS?
*Excerpt from All-Chakra
Tantra:Synergized Sacred & Psychological Exercises for
Inner Children, Voluptuaries, Heros, Romantics,
Visionaries, & Sages. (purchasable at
http://www.schooloftantra.net/Store/Books/AllChakraTantra.htm)
[Reference:
Hoffman, B., Getting Divorced From Mother and Dad, New
York: Dutton, 1976.]
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