They
end the negative phase when they each express their vulnerability and
see the voices the other expressed in the bonding as their own subdued
subselves. Thus Jim can raise his voice instead of letting Sue do all
the yelling and she can become intellectual and analytic as well. They
return to sweet bonding and Center-Center relating.
When
you and a lover experience sour interaction, use the cues below to
help you learn how your bonding pattern works and how to shift to your
Center–the conscious, balanced perspective from which to choose to
relate.
Read
your partner the cues in bold print aloud to the lover concerned.
Read
anything enclosed in square brackets [like
this] silently.
Sit
on this cushion; the position for your Center, where you hear all your
inner voices.
Recall,
then tell me when you felt pain, fear, insecurity as we related to
each other.
Say
how we interacted in parent/child ways.
What
bothered you about how I acted in relation to you?
Move
to a cushion from which you'll roleplay me.
[When your partner has moved, say,]
Pretend you're me; roleplay me. Exaggerate what I do and say. Say what
you, as me, fear, think and suspect.
Now
move to a cushion where you'll be yourself in relation to me.
[When
your partner moves, say,]
Respond
to me. As yourself again say more than you already said to me; tell me
how I make you feel. Express your feelings, irrational thoughts and
impulses; exaggerate your feelings; express more.
Now
return to your original cushion, the Center.
[When
your partner moves, say,]
Tell me what vulnerabilities--feelings of
insecurity, fear, hurt--you and I activate in each other.
From
the vantage as Center, discuss the idea that I, as you role-played me,
represents a disowned voice of your own.
How
do I represent a disowned voice for you?
Describe
your relation with me in parent-child terms. Expand what you told me
before about how you and I shift between enacting parent and child
roles vis-a-vis each other.
In
what ways does the pattern you've described with me re-create part of
the pattern you had with the people who raised you or a brother or
sister?
Stand
behind me now, facing the seat in which you enacted voice within you
that you projected on me. Maintain neutrality; observe
objectively. As I review the main things you said in the disowned
voice, sense its energy ### [Summarize what your partner said.]
Now
return from standing in the Witness position to the seat for your
Center.
How
can you, Center, nourish my vulnerable, Inner Child without
overbalancing your own voices?
How
can you integrate the disowned voices I represented into your life?
QUESTIONS
1.
Relate your experiences as you did the exercises in this lesson.
2.
Define and give a personal example of each of the following:
a.
Voice Dialogue
