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Question from Chris of Tiburon: My
boyfriend, Jamie, is due to leave Ohio and join my husband
Rex and, Greta--our female beloved--in our home this
month. In the meantime, I connected with a new lover,
Brad. When I told Jamie about Brad, Jamie said he now
felt less special and may not come.
I
waver. I waver between disappointment and
acceptance of Jamie’s process. If he doesn’t meet
my standards and resolve his separating defenses, I don’t
want him in my home.
Sasha: Right on, Chris.
Demand the best. Have Jamie share his
vulnerabilities--fears,
insecurities, hurts--under his withdrawal threats.
Tell him to
honor his tendency to withdraw, reflect, then return with
more balanced perspectives. Demand he grow up and work
through his jealousy if he wants to share the cornucopia you
seem to be creating.
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