APRIL 2005, VOLUME 1

Polyamory Newsletter, Volume 1, April, 2005 
Published by Janet Kira Lessin, Focalizer, World Polyamory Association and Sasha (Alex) Lessin, Ph.D.  808 244-4103 email: WorldPolyamory@aol.com
site: http://www.worldpolyamoryassociation.com
link: http://www.worldpolyamoryassociation.com/Newsletters/newsletter.html

This month's newsletter: http://www.worldpolyamoryassociation.com/Newsletters/March2005Vol1whitePolyNewsletter.htm
HTML Newsletter: http://www.worldpolyamoryassociation.com/Newsletter/March2005Volume1HTML.html

Contents of this Polyamory Newsletter
1.  HOW WE DO POLY first article in series  Janet Kira Lessin
2.  LISTEN WITH LOVE: VALIDATE, FEEL EACH OTHER: Relating Exercise for Polys (Sasha)
3.  HARBIN HEATS UP: JUNE 17-19 POLY CONFERENCE HAS HOT HEADLINERS
4.  CHICAGO POLYAMORY & TANTRA CONFERENCE: Sacred Sex & Relationship Choice June 24-26, 2005
5.  POLYAMORY CONNECTION: Poly Dating, Support Group, Maui, Hawaii
6.  POLYAMORY BOOKS:  Polyamory, The PolyTantric Lovestyle &  Polyamory: More Loves, More Loving
7.  POLYAMORY MAGAZINE - Contributions and Staff Sought

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1.  HOW WE DO POLY first article in series by Janet Kira Lessin

We invite you in successive issues of this newsletter to write how YOU do poly. There are all kinds of ways to make polyamory work.

My husband Sasha and I only date singles and couples who are interested in experiencing lovemaking with both of us. We tend not to sleep with others as we find three or more in a bed is hot and uncomfortable (we live in the tropics) Sometimes we may all crash on the living room floor on futons after a lovemaking session. In general, when I sleep I like to sleep. When I make love I go for it with total abandon. That can be noisy for those who chose to sleep in that moment.

Sash and I have a third (male), Shivaya, who just moved in with us. Shivaya does not share our bed but we do share lovemaking with him.

We also have lovers who visit as they have very productive lives and jobs in other cities. We travel a lot so we frequently rendezvous with them in other cities around the globe. Traveling as a group is fun.

Our lovers have lovers and we're open to meeting them. Our numbers change. Not everyone is sexually attracted to one another but in general we get along minimally as friends. Cuddling's always nice. Love doesn't take any particular physical form. We can love many and be very particular about whom we kiss, cuddle, have sexual contact with and/or make love with.
Over time many have come and gone. They come for various reasons; love, sex, friendship, community. They leave for various reasons; incompatability, jobs, different climate, death, etc.
I've learned many things from opening to polyamory. I've discovered my heart is huge. My capacity unconditional love is enormous. I love everyone I've ever loved. The numbers of my loves are legion. Love and involvement are two completely different things. It's ok if we chose not to live together or have sex with one another. I'm not responsible for anyone's turn on. I'm perfect just the way I am. Don't should anyone. Don't tolerate anyone shoulding you.
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2.  LISTEN WITH LOVE: VALIDATE, FEEL EACH OTHER: Relating Exercise for Polys (Sasha)

Do this exercise aloud with your lovers.  One partner, the Reader, reads the cues in bold type aloud to another partner, Responder 1, while the other poly partners, the Witnesses, listen and imagine how they’d paraphrase the Responder. Reader reads anything enclosed in square brackets [like this] silently. Where the Reader needs to respond, you'll see this symbol ###.  Where you see asterisks (* * *), it's Responder 1’s cue to respond: give her/him a few breaths to do so. Keep your face and body neutral while you listen; don’t roll your eyes, gesture or respond; these inhibit the Responder.

Reader 1: HOW CAN WE CAN PLEASE YOU DEEPLY? *** [When Responder has said a few sentences (few enough so you can remember), say the next sentence]

Wait. I hear you saying ... ###. [Finish the sentence in your own words, Reader 1: summarize (paraphrase) what Responder’s said.]

Is that correct? *** [If your partner gives you corrections, paraphrase her and ask if you've got the corrections right until she says, " you've got it right".]

Would you say more on this subject? *** [Continue paraphrasing and asking if there's more till Responder finishes on this subject. When Responder says, "that's all", complete the next two sentences.]

You make sense because ### [Validate Responder. Pretend you're s/he, seeing things from her/his perspective, Say how s/he makes sense.]

I imagine you must feel ... ###. Is that what you’re feeling? ***

Responder 1 becomes Reader 2 and takes another Responder, Responder 2, through the cues while Witnesses listen attentively, imagining how you’d mirror the Responder 1 if you were Reader 1. Continue shifting roles until each of you have had a chance to play both Reader and Responder to this question before going on to the next one.

Reader 2 to Responder 2: WHAT CAN WE DO THAT TURNS YOU ON? ***

You’re saying ... ###.

Is that correct? *** [If your partner gives you corrections, paraphrase her and ask if you've got the corrections right until she says, " you've got it right".]

Would you say more on this subject? ***

You make sense because ###

I imagine you must feel ... ###. Is that what you’re feeling? ***

Responder 2, become Reader 3, takes another Responder through the cues as Witnesses listen and imagine how you’d paraphrase the Responder if you were the Reader. Continue shifting roles until each of you have had a chance to play both Reader and Responder to this question before going on to the next one. Follow the same procedure (change Reader and Responder till all have had a turn with each question; let all respond to a given question before you go as a group, to the next question.)

HOW CAN WE SUPPORT YOU? *** Wait. I hear you saying ... ###. Correct? *** Would you say more on this subject? *** You make sense because ###. I imagine you must feel ... ###. Is that right? ***

TELL US HOW WE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL RESPECTED. ***

You’re saying ...###. Is that right? *** Would you say more on this subject? *** You make sense because ###. I imagine you must feel ... ###. What do you feel? ***

WHAT CAN WE DO TO MAKE YOU FEEL LOVED? ***

You’re saying ...###. Right? *** Say more. *** You make sense because ###. I guess you feel ... ###. What do you feel? ***
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3. HARBIN HEATS UP: JUNE 17-19 POLY CONFERENCE HAS HOT HEADLINERS

Our Northern California Conference, Celebrate Relationship Choice, at Harbin Hot Springs, CA (June 17-19, 2005) in Middleton, (two hours from San Francisco) offers optional nudity, free sexual expression in WPA's designated private area, healing hot pools.

We've scheduled nteractive workshops on pair bonding, romantic love, multiple-partner sexuality, jealousy management, BDSM in poly relations, bisexual loving and choreographing the dance of poly loving. Enjoy panel discussions, networking, party and opportunities to experience living compersion–empathy for others' love-joy.

Presenters include Kelly Bryson, Patricia Winters, Brian Barry, Shama and Don Kraig, Dave Doleshal, Sasha and Janet Kira Lessin, Harold Kornylak, Les Nuckles, Dave Doleshal, Ed Seykota, Dawn Davidson, Akien MacLain, Terry & Paul Brussel-Gibbons & Marcus Brussel Jenkins, Ed Jor-El Elkin.  If you'd like to present too, email us; we're open to more.  We'd especially like a presentation on the interface between paganism and polyamory.

Here's a bit on the workshop Shama and Don Kraig will offer:

Harbin Confence Schedule (tentative)
Friday, June 17
4:00 Registration Opens
4:00 - Newcomer’s Circle
5:00 - 6:30 Dinner
6:30 - 7:30 - Sasha & Kira: Opening Circle, Pods
7:30 - 9:30 Presenter #1 -
9:30 - 11:30 - Presenter #2 -

More Info http://www.worldpolyamoryassociation.com/conferences/HarbinHotSprings2005/harbin_hot_springs_index.html
Discounted price includes meals and tent/seminar space accommodations: http://www.worldpolyamoryassociation.com/forms/Harbin2005/harbin_registration_form.html
Register now and save. Prices go up each month.

Presenter's Application: http://www.worldpolyamoryassociation.com/forms/presenters.html
Presenter's Harbin Registration Form: http://www.worldpolyamoryassociation.com/forms/Harbin2005/harbin_registration_form_presenters.html

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4.  CHICAGO POLYAMORY & TANTRA CONFERENCE: CELEBRATE SACRED SEXUALITY & RELATIONSHIP CHOICE June 24-26, 2005
Sheraton Chicago Northwest, Arlington Heights, IL. A co-presentation of The World Polyamory Association and World Tantra Association. Presenters sought. Earlybird discount before April 15, 2005: Members: $100, Non-Members: $155.  Rooms: $99 Single or double, $109 triple or quad. 

To register:

http://www.worldpolyamoryassociation.com/forms/Chicago2005/chicago_2005_conference_registration_form.html

Presenter's Application: http://www.worldpolyamoryassociation.com/forms/presenters.html

7.  POLYAMORY: THE MAGAZINE Contributions and Staff Sought

The new poly magazine, POLYAMORY seeks articles, stories, thoughts, ideas.  POLYAMORY is for you, about you and others like you. Share your victories, follies, highs, lows, hopes, woes, loves, loves lost, excitement, depression, happiness, sadness, joy, sorrow and bliss.  We want to hear it all, know all about you and what it takes to be polyamorous in these amazing and sometimes trying times.  We'd love to feature your art on our web site and zines.  We'd even love to share your photos with the world (if everyone in the photos grants their permission). Show us how talented you are.  Share your happy faces and joy that you've found with your poly loves and family.  We're here to promote you and your work.  We're here to change the world, make it a better place for all of us.

Member's of the World Polyamory Association get a free personal ad so you may easily find the relationships you seek.  Professional Member's get a free listing in our Professional Directory plus discounts on advertisements.  We promote our members on our web site, e-zine and magazine. 

Member's of the World Polyamory Association get a free personal ad so you may easily find the relationships you seek. Personals: http://www.worldpolyamoryassociation.com/Personals/personals.html

Become a member. Save on conferences and events: http://www.worldpolyamoryassociation.com/members/membership.html

Professional Member's get a free listing in our Professional Directory plus discounts on advertisements.  We promote our members on our web site, e-zine and magazine.  http://www.worldpolyamoryassociation.com/ProfessionalDirectory.html

Please send articles, ads, listings, art and photos to: WorldPolyamory@aol.com.  Include your author's bio, contact information, web site, email and photo.  Or you may call 808-244-4103. 

Post Your Events: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PolyamoryEventsCenter/?yguid=171816049
http://www.worldpolyamoryassociation.com/Events/events.html

Tell us about your group: http://www.worldpolyamoryassociation.com/groups.html