Polyamory Newsletter September 2004. Vol. I
Published by Janet Kira Lessin, P.T.S.. and Sasha (Alex) Lessin, Ph.D.
808 244-4103 email: schooloftantra@aol.com, www.schooloftantra.com
www.worldpolyamoryassociation.com, www.worldtantraassociation.com,
www.worldpeaceassociation.com, www.enkispeaks.com

Janet's Intro:

Fall brings the elections and they sure are scary. Raised Republican,
I identified as Republican and voted that way most of my early adult
life until late in the 1980s when I quit voting, shook my head, went
inside and tried to make sense of it all.

I emerged out the other side a liberal, lover of nature, devoted to
peace. I have a very simple litmus test when it comes to qualifying
who I vote for. I ask, are they for peace and do they honor nature?
Right now it seems we're stuck with voting for the lesser of two
evils. Someday I'd like to see the options for my votes as the
better of the best. I think we can get there but it may be in steps.
If nothing else this current state of affairs shows us that we can no
longer be lazy or apathetic about what's going on. Even if we die
trying, even if we up in a modern day version of Hitler's ovens, we
need to speak up, and do it loud and strong, before "they" take our
silence as permission and we lose our right to speak at all. I
invite each one of you to look inside and vote with your heart.  

If you haven't seen "What The Bleep Do We Know?" I highly recommend
you do it now. If you want a fast track out of the matrix that
satisfies the ego's needs for logical explanations while propelling
you to the highest levels of consciousness, and is entertaining to
boot, catch it and do it soon. But there are some out there who
prefer to remain in the matrix. I doubt those kinds of folks are the
ones who read my newsletter. 

Mahalo and Bright Blessings,
Janet Kira Lessin

This issue contains:
1. PASSIONATELY POLY  Janet Kira Lessin
2. INVESTIGATE THE POSSIBILITY OF A POLYAMOROUS (MORE THAN ONE)
LOVESTYLE
3. ABOUT THE WORLD POLYAMORY ASSOCIATION CONFERENCES
A. Laguna Beach, CA - October 22-24, 2004
B. Orange Springs, FL - April 20-26, 2005
C. Harbin Hot Springs, CA - June 17-19, 2005
D. Northeast Conference, PA - September 2005
4. CALL FOR PRESENTERS

***************
1. PASSIONATELY POLY  Janet Kira Lessin
I've been philosophically polyamorous since I discovered the concept
when I was 12 years old. Two books I read at that time (1966) forever
shifted my perspective on reality: Stranger in a Strange Land by
Robert Heinlein and The Harrad Experiment by Robert Rimmer.These two
books described polyamory. However, neither of them used the term
which wasn't to be coined until approximately twenty years later. The
books supported freedom, love, peace and happiness. Made sense to me.
These things could be accomplished by sexual and religious freedom,
freedom to think what one thought and feel what one felt. That too
made sense to me. What didn't make sense was the hypocrisy around me.
People were saying one thing and doing another.

In fact, that hypocrisy's never ended. It's just today I call it
pluralistic ignorance. People profess to doing one thing, and do
another. Especially when we're talking about sex. And this hypocrisy,
this pluralistic ignorance, this lie about who and what we are mixed
with the guilt, shame and pain about having to hide our thoughts and
feelings, combined with repressing what we really want to do, leads
to planetary neurosis which causes war.

The battle within creates the battle without which builds till the
battle's universal. The main fuel for fire, besides greed, is sexual
repression and the battle of the sexes.Patriarchical men repress
women which means they're actually denying, subjugating, repressing
and downright abusing the feminine half themselves. In other words,
most of humanity's crazy. And without a doubt, war is the highest
expression of insanity.

Back to the 60s. I heard recently that someone was terrified of the
60s attitudes around polyamory as it was all sex, drugs and rock and
roll. They believed that free love was sorta like swinging.

Well I was there, lived through the 60s, had enough functioning brain
cells to understand a bit about what was going on, and from my
perspective, we had rich, alive, full-on relationships every bit as
co-dependent and dysfunctional as today's relationships. One of the
major differences between then and now is that we were onto something
and on the verge of "getting it".

Having survived all these years I'm now 50 years old and I see a
strange new phenomenon happening around me. We're beginning to "get
it" again.Now what side-tracked us from where we started long ago, I
can only guess. The important thing is once again we're excited about
something, we're stoked about peace, love, freedom and happiness,
especially when it come to sex.Legislation abounds. Do we allow same
sex lovers to marry? Well that's refreshing cause in the 60s we
hardly talked about gay and lesbian love.Sure, John Lennon came out
of the closet and said "What's all the fuss about two men loving each
other when all this killing's going on in the Middle East?

"Well Lennon's dead. Someone made sure he couldn't continue singing
his songs that inspired the world. But some things never change.
We're still fighting in the Middle East and we're still making a huge
fuss over men loving men.

And I'm still poly. I started out polyamorous philosophically then
ventured into being physically poly early on, when I was 14, 15 or
16. I discovered it was super nice, tons of fun and great warm
fuzzies to have more than one lover.  

While my lovers and I never simultaneously shared a bed back in the
late sixties, I was poly because I would love one lover the early
part of the day and love another at the end. However, back then, I
was sneaking around. I didn't like that part but I wasn't certain how
else to do it.

Meanwhile, hypocrisy abounded. The folks, who were out there in the
world impressing everyone with their Presbyterian, righteous, moral
religion. Meanwhile, behind closed doors, they had a group of fellow
church goers bonking one another till all hours of the night.
I felt it. Knew I smelled something rotten. We're all a bit psychic
and I was more psychic than most. I knew the attitudes and energies
they were putting out wasn't what they were doing. I think that's one
of the major reasons behind my poly self winning out over my
monogamous self.

Way back then I knew on a deep core level, the folks were
polyamorous. But heck, weren't they swingers? Not really. They had
relationships with these lovers; long-term, ongoing, life-long in
fact. After all the guilty partners died, pictures started to emerge
and when the pictures became known, I started to remember things and
fill in the blanks.

Oh that's why they shoved me out of the door when movies were being
shown. And I remember strange moans and groans coming down the hall
when I was supposed to be asleep in bed.Well I can smile now. They
were having fun, sharing lots of laughs and love. I just think it's a
shame they had to hide what they were doing and feel shame and guilt
just for loving more than one.What a sign of the times. Fast forward
and today we have swing clubs and conferences not only coast to coast
but globally. Here I am politically poly, co-leading the World
Polyamory Association along with some of my dearest friends and
lovers.

I've been deeply affected by social attitudes. The lies, programming
and pluralistic ignorance has made it difficult for me and my
beloveds to overcome negative conditioning that sets us against our
own true nature. While many are becoming conscious, we struggle to
overcome our feelings of shame, blame, guilt, dysfunctional
relationships, co-dependency and making the other person wrong.Yep,
we can get into the relation-shit just as easily with more than one
as we can in a monogamous dyad.

But even though I fall off the wagon now and again, that doesn't keep
me from getting back on the horse.I do have my programming, you know,
both conscious and unconscious and deep down in my psyche, the models
loving more than one: my polyamorous parents, early poly books and
personal experiences of multi-person loving when I was but a child,
motivates me to perservere.

On top of it all, society's experiencing a huge shift in
consciousness. Swing clubs, polyamory conferences, sexy television
shows, gay rights marches, same sex marriages, all combine to shift
and shape, revamp and remodel our psyche's to a new paradigm of
peace, love, freedom and happiness. Hey, didn't we say that before?

Recently my hubby and I decided to bring in an extra male to our
relationship. Too much time was going by with just the two of us and
we were afraid we were turning monogamous or something awful like
that. So the universe delivered a fellow we were interested in six
months ago and we decided to have him over to the house for a series
of dates.

Sometimes when I want to date someone I go slow, so slow it's
bordering on torturous for all of us. I mean, I don't want to be
called lose or a slut or anything, so I really want to be sure when I
get sexually involved with someone that they're the "right one".
Whatever that means.

I mean, it's rather ridiculous, me being polyamorous and all, that
I'm concerned that someone might conceive me as being a slut, but
that's the way it is. Emotions aren't logical and our Inner Children
can sure run a number on us grown-ups.

I don't want to get hurt, you know. Relationships all tough, full of
stuff, projections and the nasties so I really want to KNOW someone
before I let down my guard, merge consciousness, swap body fluids and
become "one". I want conscious people who've done enough of their
family-of-origin work so they won't be confusing me with their
mothers or fathers and launch themselves if I cough or sneeze the
wrong way. I do have my limitations, rules, regulations and
boundaries, you know, established after years of dating both
monogamously and polyamorously. I'm pretty much an expert on dating
right about now with all this practice, right?

Yet now and then along comes a super pretty face or someone that
seems so cool, right-on, centered, spiritual and they've "done the
work", that I throw caution to the wind and let my hair down.And
that's what happened with Dharma. I went there, mated, dated,
related, Opened myself wide. Threw my expectations out the window.
Let down my guard and gave it my all. I dared to be vulnerable. I
went for it.After all, he was spiritual, right? I mean, he wasn't
able to talk that lingo without having been there, right? How could
he have perfected that tantric energy without years of experience?
And wasn't my psyche saying he's part of our soul family come home to
celebrate with momma, reunited, rejoicing after centuries apart?

So why was I surprised when it happened again? Not 24 hours after our
highest high, greatest joy, and biggest bliss, Dharma got pissy with
me. He projected his Mother shit all over me, dumped a huge dump
truck full of psychic turds in my living room and propelled himself
out the door so fast the door didn't have time to hit him in the
ass.What happened? Hadn't we just made love for what, 4, 5, maybe 6
days on end? Didn't we share love, visions, hopes, dreams, desires
and orgasms galore?

My recovery time's getting much better. I was only angry, hurt and
upset for 2 days instead of 2 weeks.After I calmed down a bit, I told
Sasha I didn't want to ever date anyone again. I wanted to be
monogamous. I know, I know, I'm the head of the World Polyamory
Association now, but I still want to do that AND be monogamous and I
can because straight people support gays and I can be straight and
still support polys.I just don't want to get hurt anymore.This was
rough. A dear friend came and facilitated us. We spent hours, dealing
with this, a biggie and a few other, smaller issues.

I said, "Well if you give my Inner Child this one, she may decide to
relax and let us be poly again. But it's like the couple who're
having erectile dysfunction problems, talking about it and putting
all their energy, focused on the man getting an erection. The more
they try to give him an erection, the more difficult it is to make
his penis erect.That's kinda what's happening with us. The more we
focus on pulling in the "right poly people", the more we get close
but no cigar. I'm exhausted, my heart's broken and I need a break. On
top of it all, I can't seem to get my work done, work I need to do in
order to pay bills, keep a roof over our heads and food on the table.

So for now, I want to let go of wanting what I want, and let the
universe deliver the "right poly people" if that's what's meant to
be. Otherwise, I'm suffering and not having fun. And isn't that what
it's all about anyway? More love and more fun?"Sasha had a bit of an
emotional reaction to this. I could tell. I've been with him long
enough and know him ever-so-well. But he once again proved to me how
much he loved me as conveyed to me and our facilitator how devoted he
was to me and my happiness, that he'd agree to even Monogamy!

Our facilitator, who'd explored polyamory for years himself, saw the
wisdom in letting go and allowing things to happen rather than force
the matter.Whew! My Inner Child relaxed. Oh God, she wouldn't have to
try or do anything! She could just be who she was and go with the
flow, however that may be. No more Pleaser feeling pushed to do
anything because of shoulds, even fictitious shoulds, implied or
fabricated, created by herself, the one who traditionally shoulds all
over me.

A week later, I'm feeling more comfortable with the idea of dating
again. Funny how the ones I want don't want me. Or if they do want me
they "can't" because of their partners or their lifestyles or their
bosses, families, friends who wouldn't "approve" of Miss Poly. What
parts of our decisions are choice and what parts do we feel helpless
to do anything about?

Over forty years ago a part of me decided I was polyamorous. I knew
love, felt love coming in to me from many directions and going out to
many from me. From those experiences, I knew that's who I really
was.Over time I allowed the confusion I felt coming from others to
combine with the attitudes and mores of the times to cloud my concept
of me. What was projected by others compared to the energies,
attitudes and psychic thoughts I picked up added to my confusion. If
I allow it, these conflicting energies and attitudes can still run
rampant and cause confusion within my psyche.

However, I consciously chose to face my neurosis. I take personal
responsibility for my confusion. I chose to explore my programming to
eliminate potential psychosis.

When I become conscious of my attachments and addictions to negative
outcomes, I reprogram myself. I recognize the dysfunctional patterns
within myself, created by my brain's neurotransmitters during my
first traumatic journey through pain and out the other side of my
original emotional roller coaster to what I believed was love. I
realize that what I thought was love was not love, but was actually a
way of getting attention, nurturing, pity and sympathy, which
resembled love. Those patterns no longer serve me or my beloveds. By
letting go I create new neuro-pathways in my brain which allow the
true expression of myself.

With new eyes I see the past, recreate myself and clear the way for
honesty, intimacy, true love and divine relationships. While I've
been philosophically, physically and politically poly for the greater
part of my life, it's time to get real and be passionately poly.

3. INVESTIGATE THE POSSIBILITY OF A POLYAMOROUS (MORE THAN ONE)
LOVESTYLE
Investigate the possibilities of a polyamorous (more than one love)
lifestyle. Ask us how you can make more love in your life, relate
from your highest self with your lovers and housemates, uplevel
jealousy into compersion (joy at your lovers' joy), and give them
each the attention, companionship, touch and sexual-loving they
need.  

The World Polyamory Association's (WPA) CONFERENCES and workshops
feature speakers and facilitators (PRESENTER REGISTRATION FORM) who
present workshops on: empathetic active listening, poly relationship
styles and systems, imago healing, relationship imaging, non-violent
compassionate communications, Voice Dialogue centering, tantric
activation, sex magic for your lovelife, chakra balancing, energy
clearing, communication skills, poly relating and dating, poly
childrearing, poly activism and much, much more.   

Poly amory , loving more than one person at the same time, is always
a good choice. No problem, love many.  

But Poly sexuality, more than one lover? Polyamory with
polysexuality-one of several relationship options-works well for some
people some of the time. But so, too, do any of the other
relationship options--monogamy, singlehood, even celibacy works for
other people some of the time.

Choose. World Polyamory Association advocates CHOICE. Be the
chooser, decider, author of this chapter of your life. WPA wants you
to make discerning choices that serve you. Make choices that
facilitate your personal growth and evolution and at the same time
honor and respect the people you commit to love.

You have relationship options - monogamy, celibacy, open marriage,
pair-bonded inclusive relating, triads (man-woman-man, woman-man-
woman, man-man-man, woman-woman-woman) polyfidelity, loving networks,
group marriage, multi-generational line marriage, and more. You have
heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual alternatives within
each.

You have many spiritual practices and value systems to chose--to mix
and match with your relationship options, styles and sexual
orientation. What is most important is that you are the chooser and
that you come from choice.  

Though you consult others, ultimately, you make your own choices -
choices consonant with your stage of life, experience, needs at the
time.

Same sex marriages are sanctioned in open-minded, progressive areas
worldwide. Debates abound. Laws are launched. Legislation's
lobbied. Madonna tongues Brittany Spears, live, in front of
millions. Swinger Clubs open everywhere, around the globe. Ladies
at the clubs embrace bisexuality openly, willingly. Men curious, lag
behind, but how far?

Society, sick of infidelity, longs for honesty and openness. When
will we at last free to be who we really are instead of hiding our
thoughts, wants, desires and longings from everyone, including our
mates?

Time for play. The sun's shining, rainbow's bright. A new day is
dawning. The past becomes the now. We come full circle into the
Golden Age.

Bonobo "chimps," our biologically closest cousins, show us the
eroticism of our natural, animal natures. No longer fooled by
domination programming, we free ourselves from "sin" and cultural
inhibitions that served the Piscean age of patriarchy. Free, we
realize we've outgrown ancient, restrictive ideas that no longer
serve our new, centered, balanced male to female, yinyang, Aquarian
partnership society.

As we make love not war with renewed enthusiasm, we embrace a more
civilized civilization that honors the uniqueness and special
qualities of one and all and recognize sexual freedom as a healthy
expressions of our true nature.

We move into an era of new awareness and freedom while we
simultaneously experience the pressure of increasing potential
restrictions imposed upon us by those who feel threatened by our
ability to be free. Unchallenged, they would rob us of our choice to
be who we truly are. 

In 1816 Thomas Jefferson wrote to Mrs. H. Harrison Smith the
following:

"I never told my own religion nor scrutinized that of another. I
never attempted to make a convert, nor wished to change another's
creed. I am satisfied that yours must be an excellent religion to
have produced a life of such exemplary virtue and correctness. For
it is in our lives, and not from our words, that our religion must be
judged."

Stand tall and firm, proud to be who you are. You are wise enough to
decide for yourself what suits you in each moment as you journey
through life.   

World Polyamory Association
www.worldpolyamoryassociation.com
808-244-4103

3. About Our Conferences

A. Southwest Regional Conference
Loving Beyond the Matrix
October 22-24, 2004
Southern CA : Aliso Creek Inn, Laguna Beach (between LA and San Diego)

B. Northwest Regional Conference
Celebrate Relationship Choice
June 17 - 19 2005
Northern CA: Harbin Hot Springs, Middletown (north of San Francisco) 

C. Southeast Regional Conference
Return To The Tribe: Weeklong Polyamorous Community
April 20-26, 2005 
Middle FL: Orange Springs, Florida 

D.  Northeast Regional Conference 
Perfecting The Polyamory Paradigm
September 9-11, 2005
Pennsylvania 

4. CALL FOR PRESENTERS:  
The World Polyamory Association seeks presenters and workshop
facilitators for their conferences. If you're interested in being
considered as a presenter, please go to
www.worldpolyamoryassociation.com and fill out the Presenter's form.

For more information call 808-244-4103.