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Question: I 'd
like to be polyamorous, but I’m afraid my husband will
like someone better than me. I know he really
loves me, but I’m afraid to take the chance of losing that
love. If I open the space for another woman to be his
lover too, how can
I be sure of not losing him to her?
Sasha: There are no guarantees
whether you have a monogamous or polyamorus lifestyle
whether someone will stay with you or not. The old paradigm
of hierarchy can be somewhat shifted in polyamory by
appreciating the variety of people available to us in our
lives. Instead of "better or worse" we can use the
concept of "different". Our differences make us
unique. A mother with several children might enjoy different
qualities in them, but she loves all of them.
If you and your
husband have a good relationship and you feel a great deal
of love flowing between you, you can be fairly sure that the
love won’t go away if you find someone else to love with.
Qualities of different lovers can add to you and your
husbands relationship. One person can’t possibly fill all
of our needs. Different intimates bring out different
qualities in us, which, when those qualities emerge, become
a part of who we are. Everyone benefits from us being more
of who we can be.
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