Get real with yourself and your lovers about what you need to love like you want.

CONSULT YOUR OWN INNER VOICES

     First, consult each of your own subselves, starting with the voices concerned with of each of your chakras (energetic centers in
and about your body).

     Call a committee meeting of your inner voices and consult them each from your Center–that's you, the whole person. The
committee's task: helping you draw up your own proposals for a polyamorous agreement contract to negotiate with your lovers.

Chakra 1: Ask your Inner Child and your Inner Child Protective Provider (first chakra voices) what they want in love and
sex and why they want what they want. When they say why, at the deepest level, they want what they want, they reveal their deep
needs.

     Your Inner Child cares about emotional and material support, security, comfort and play in relationship to lovers.

     Your Inner Child Protector needs you be safe, disease-free, healthy and not ostracized by the moral arbiters of the matrix.

Chakra 2: Subselves of your second chakra–the Genital Chakra-says how it wants and needs to be loved by you and others.
Protective inner voices of concerned with your sexual chakra warns which liaisons–with drunks, druggies, improvidents, and the like–to
avoid.

Chakra 3: Your Power (gut) Chakra. Inner voices concerned that you take pleasure and power that's rightfully yours in
sexualloving, voices that want you to lead and initiate as well as enjoy following initiations of others provide valuable inputs.

Chakra 4: Heart Chakra: Hear voices that need to give and those that need to receive romantic energy. They say what they need
when you choose your form of love-sharing.

Chakra 5: Communication (Throat, Ears) Chakra. Inner voices concerned with talking say, when you, as Center ask them, what they
need for satisfactory communication with lovers–authentic talk, silence when speaking would unproductively harm Fifth Chakra voices
say what songs of love they want you to sing.

Chakra 6: Vision (Brain) Chakra. Your Intellect, Intuition and Envisioning Voices input valuable considerations, based on their
needs to understand relationship dynamics, intuit and fulfill your destiny.

Chakra 7: Spiritual (Crown) Chakra. Subpersonalities concerned with transcending your separate self-sense to experience
unity with others in sexualloving and become one with all can input their considerations in drawing up a list of poly promise provisions
to negotiate with your lovers.

     From your Center, hear each inner voice, thank it for its inputs, appreciate it for its candor. Witness how all these inner
selves interact with each other and get a sense of how you can recognize, accept, coordinate, integrate and synergize them when you
negotiate your lover-contracts.

NEGOTIATE POLY AGREEMENTS WITH YOUR LOVERS

     Baba Dez Nichols and Kamala Devi, in their wonderful book, Sacred Sexual Healing (pages 231-232), suggest you and your loves or
loves-to-be consider and share your answers with each other to these questions:

What do you let yourself experience and what do you inhibit yourself from experiencing? What additional experiences would you like? What, if anything, do you want to reserve for one relationship or more primary relationships? Are you willing to give your primary(s) veto over your sexualloving with others? Are certain people off limits? From whom do you want to hide your sexual relating? What specific safe sex practices do you need for yourself and your lovers? How much, if any, advance notice do you and your lovers need about potential new lovers? Do you need to meet potential lovers of your lovers before giving your assent? Do you seek one-to-one, offstage contact with lovers or do you seek loving all together, or both options, and in what settings? What are your limitations and desires about the frequency and duration of your own and your primaries' sexual contact with other lovers? Are certain areas–your home, your bed, your car–reserved for just you and your primaries? Are certain acts–ejaculating, penetrating, etc.–reserved for your primaries and withheld from other lovers? Do you have curfews? What are the consequences when, as is probably inevitable as you relax into poly life, one of your agreements has been breached? When do you review and revise your agreements? My wife Janet and I review and renew our agreements every New Years Eve.

Dez and Kamala give the following examples of poly contracts:

Single Sex Poly (agreement to date one sex but not the other) Prior Approval Veto Condom Commitment (safe sex with all but fluid-bonded partners) Fluid Monogamy (penetrative ejaculation with one primary only) Tell-All Lovers Policy Need-To-Know Reporting Don't Ask Don't Tell Sensual But-Non-Penetrative Non-Primary Loving OK Package Deal (new lovers relate to all the primaries when all are together) Non-Exclusion (Primaries can always include themselves in your sexualloving) No Drama

     Honestly negotiate with your partners; risk sharing what you truly need and want. Write up a declaration and sign it. Read your
vows to each other in a lovers' ceremony.

     The truth, ultimately, will set you and your lovers free. Risk the anger and hurt that may come from counterphobic candor; the
travail is worth the self-knowledge and ultimately satisfying lovestyle you get in the end.