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Feel Polyamorous Consciousness & Dissolve Illusions of
Separateness.
Sit in turn with each of your polymates. With each, maintain eye
contact. Don't touch.
Tell her or him, "I feel separateness from you when I say to
myself ... (specify all of the rational and irrational, serious
and
trivial, crazy and stupid and clear and astute things you say to
yourself that make you feel separate from her or him.) Exhaust
your
list.
Your partner sits calmly and says, "Thank you" after each
separation you enumerate.
Then have your partner tell you, "I feel separateness from you
when I
say to myself...." Encourage your partner to exhaust her or his
separatenesses: calmly say "Thank you" for each.
Then join hands. Tell your partner, "I feel oneness with you
when I tell myself ... (complete with all the things you tell
yourself which make you feel close to your partner..) Reverse
roles.
Discuss your experience with this exercise.
Rotate to your next poly partner and repeat the exercise.
Explanation: When you raise your consciousness to your polymates
level you still keep your individual bodymind awareness, your
distinct
personality and your inner voices, should you choose to
temporarily identify with them.
When you and your significant others expand consciousness of
yourselves to internalize each others' wisdom and concerns, you
are
on the polyamorous level of consciousness. The energy, richness,
complexity and awareness you and your lovers share exceeds the
sum of
your individual bodymind energies and awarenesses. Your polypod
synergy is enhanced when you use your relationships so each of
you
grows and has more to give to the relationships as well.
Ken Keyes provides an excellent model for such synergistic
dyadic consciousness. [Keyes, K., Handbook to Higher
Consciousness,
5th Edition,: Living Love, 1979 and A Conscious Person's Guide
toRelationships, Kentucky: Living Love, 1979.]
Keyes says to welcome upsets in your relationships. You can
use upsets to raise your consciousness. He suggests you fully
share
your deepest feelings and process what you say to yourself which
make
you feel separate from and opposed to one another. You can then
experience your oneness.
Relate compassionately, Keyes says, to your lovers' problems
as signals for them to grow without also getting yourself
caught up emotionally.
Process your own emotional upsets, feel centered and loving and
then
act freely.
Use your relationship to stimulate internal dialogue at the
personality levels of each of you, so you can each raise your
individual and mutual consciousnesses.
When you're upset, disturbed, unhappy or dissatisfied with your
lovers, explore your own addictions, that is, how you tell
yourself your others must be and your relationships must be for
you to be happy. Such addictions trigger your upset. You stop
suffering and instead grow when you stop being addicted.
Change your addictions to preferences. Preferences are desires
which,
if not fulfilled, do not make you suffer.
Think of an addiction of yours that involves one of your lovers.
Speculate on the form your addiction would take if it were
raised to
a preference. Imagine that you've upleveled your addiction to a
preference. Imagine how your life would be affected. Tell this
lover
what you imagine.
* Recall a time when your intimate's annoying habit or
attitude gave you an opportunity to discard an addiction and
feel
better as a result. Write you results.
Stop blaming each other for not meeting each other's
expectations. Refrain from making addiction-based demands. Turn
off addictions; turn on love. Let your intimates express anger,
jealousy and other separating emotions aimed at you, while you
love them more no matter what they do. Let their addictions be
okay with you.
Realize that in disputes, you win some and lose some; that is
okay.
Make your growth and self-expression help your lovers' growth
they define them.
Before you enter deep relationships with others, Keyes invites
you to know and accept your own inner voices, personality and
bodymind. Enter your relationships so you can cooperate with
each other in "the great adventure of life."
Keyes recommends you avoid using intense love as a basis for
involvement, since, at more inclusive levels of consciousness,
you're
at living oneness and love with all humanity. You are already
deeply
in love with everyone. Therefore, he says, choose carefully who
you
share your time and life games with. Choose lovers who
contribute
to your well-being and vice versa.
"You contribute to your mutual well-being when you enjoy the 'enoughness'
that you do have in your life, and thus open your heart to
happiness by not creating emotion-backed demands for what you
don't have. Learn to emotionally accept what is here and now
in your life. You will find you always have 'enough' in your
life."
Take responsibility, Keyes says, for creating your own
happiness in your relationships. You use your relationships to
raise
your own consciousness only when you work on your own bodymind,
personality and subself integration. Keyes suggests such
integration
allows you to be "in touch with the beautiful, capable and
loving"
aspects of your own subdyadic consciousness as well as higher
consciousness. "I love you," means "You're mirroring me and
letting
me see the beautiful, capable parts of me."
Make your relationships delightful by being involved and
sharing with your intimates, not by being addicted to your
intimates
for your happiness. To increase your involvement, you must
decrease
your addictions.
Sharing means not hiding anything, so you can build a trusting
base.
"Ask for what you want, but don't be addicted to getting it."
Keep noticing the beauty and preciousness of the bodyminds and
higher being your intimates are no matter what subpersonality
they
affect.
Open to the forms the relationships take.
You function at the poly level of consciousness when you
"discover the 'us' place in terms of surrender,
compassionatepower and mutual give and take." |
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World Polyamory Association 
